A Guide to Simplifying Life with Simone Massoni's Illustrations in 5280 Magazine
5280, Denver's Mile High Magazine, has long been the go-to source for local insights into Denver, Colorado. Since its inception in 1993, the magazine has delved into a myriad of topics including dining, entertainment, and regional politics, catering to its readership at an altitude of 5,280 feet.
A notable feature that enhances the magazine's appeal is the inclusion of illustrations by Simone Massoni, particularly in the "Oversimplified Guide" series.
These guides provide practical, yet amusing advice on everyday tasks, illustrated in a way that is both engaging and easy to understand.
Here’s a breakdown of the top 10 "Oversimplified Guides" adorned with Massoni's artistry:
The Oversimplified Guide to Pooping Outdoors
Illustration by Simone Massoni
Acknowledge pooping outdoors as natural and pride-worthy.
Move 200 feet from trails or water sources.
Dig a cathole about six inches deep for proper waste decomposition.
Balance is key; use a tree or log for support.
Minimize toilet paper use and ensure it’s buried well.
In no-dig zones, use a waste alleviating gel (WAG) bag.
The Oversimplified Guide to Buying Marijuana
Illustration by Simone Massoni
Ignore the indica vs. sativa myth; focus on the effects you desire.
Big buds with plenty of hairs suggest high quality.
Trust your nose; good weed should smell pleasant.
Understand terpenes like linalool and limonene to predict effects.
THC levels above 25% don’t guarantee a better experience.
The Oversimplified Guide to Picking Palisade Peaches
Illustration by Simone Massoni
Green skin doesn’t always indicate under-ripeness, except in redder varieties.
Feel for juiciness; ripe peaches are soft and heavy.
Explore different varieties; each has unique traits.
Taste before buying, where possible.
Verify the origin to avoid counterfeit peaches.
The Oversimplified Guide to Shoveling A Sidewalk
Illustration by Simone Massoni
Prepare with exercises like squats and planks to avoid injuries.
Stretch to enhance flexibility and muscle engagement.
Use proper posture and core engagement when shoveling.
Avoid overloading the shovel to prevent back strain.
Always face the direction you’re throwing snow.
The Oversimplified Guide to Cooking Green Chile
Illustration by Simone Massoni
Gather ingredients like roasted Pueblo chiles and pork.
Prep by peeling chiles and chopping onions and garlic.
Cook pork until brown, then add onions and garlic.
Simmer with tomatoes and chiles, adjusting for desired spiciness.
Season and serve hot with buttered tortillas.
The Oversimplified Guide to Layering
Illustration by Simone Massoni
Wear a moisture-wicking base layer, insulating midlayer, and protective outer shell.
Adjust layers based on activity intensity and weather.
Use accessories like gloves and balaclavas for additional warmth.
Manage perspiration and warmth to maintain comfort.
The Oversimplified Guide to Training For A Marathon
Illustration by Simone Massoni
Join a running club for motivation and guidance.
Invest in proper footwear.
Gradually increase training intensity and distance.
Include cross-training to enhance strength and prevent injuries.
Aim for a 20-mile run before the marathon as a readiness indicator.
The Oversimplified Guide to Telling A Scary Story
Illustration by Simone Massoni
Choose a short, engaging story and tell it in first person.
Focus on a natural flow rather than memorizing every word.
Use the setting and timing to enhance the spooky atmosphere.
Incorporate a surprising jump scare for a memorable climax.
The Oversimplified Guide to Splitting A Log
Illustration by Simone Massoni
Use a splitting maul and choose dry logs.
Target natural cracks in the log for easier splitting.
Maintain proper stance and focus for safety.
Split logs to optimal size for burning efficiency.
The Oversimplified Guide to Judging Cattle
Illustration by Simone Massoni
Assess muscle mass by viewing the steer from behind; broad tops are ideal.
Check the brisket for excessive fat, which could indicate poor quality.
Feel for a healthy layer of fat over the ribs and shoulder blades.
Ensure balanced proportions when viewing the steer from the side.
Observe the steer’s walk to ensure good structure and movement.
Simone Massoni's illustrations not only enrich the reading experience but also visually guide Denverites through these practical tasks with a touch of humor and simplicity. Whether you're pooping in the wilderness or preparing green chile, Massoni's work in 5280 makes every guide a little more accessible and a lot more enjoyable.
